I honestly thought the process for having a baby on my own was going to be easy. Not extremely easy but that there would be a flow to the process just hitting minor bumps along the road to being a mom. I am starting to see that isn’t so.
It all started about a month ago; I was getting these incredible never-ending head aches. I went to my doctor because I thought I was suffering from migraines. He decided to conduct some tests,CT scan, MRI and blood work, to see if everything was fine. I took this as a standard procedure to trying to figure out the cause of my head aches. I wasn’t worried that it would be anything horrible.
So, I kept with my plans to finding a fertility doctor. I came across a great doctor in Argentina. I found a website “Fertility Argentina”; were I came across some wonderful referrals and information about Dr Glujovsky. I was so happy that I had found such a remarkable doctor in a place where I wanted to live and start my family. I immediately emailed the clinic and Dr Glujovsky responded and answered all my questions. The next day to my amazement he called me so we could talk. We planned that I would send him all the tests results I had here in Canada so that he could look them over. He wanted to see what tests the doctors had conducted here and then we could move forward with starting the fertility treatment. I had given him notice that I would gather all my medical information in Canada and send it to him.
Last week my family doctor called me and asked me to book an appointment with him because he had received the results of my tests. I started to panic-doctor’s don’t just tell you to come in for a chat and a look-see of your results. I imagined the worst and then I started googling, MRI results, brain cancer all the things that could possible pop up in an MRI scan. I was devastated when I started seeing brain tumor, cancer, deminstia in all the search results so instead I opted to wait until I saw my doctor. Until the day of my appointment with my family doctor I didn’t really think about what could be issue. I just tried to forget and tried to stay away from webMD. Finally, the dreaded day arrived and as I was driving with my mom to the doctor’s office I wanted to scream and cry. I was so afraid I didn’t want to see the doctor because I didn’t want to face the reality of my situation but I also did because I needed to know what was wrong. All these horrible things rushed through my head and more importantly: “I’m going to die and I’m not even a mother!” I wanted the earth to swallow me whole, but I had to maintain composure for my mother’s sake. I know she was freaking out inside but she kept it together for me, and she didn’t ask how I felt because I know she knew how I was feeling. I just hid my tears behind my sun glasses hoping she wouldn’t notice. Upon my arrival to the doctor’s office I found there weren’t many patients this made me happy because it would mean I would get my results faster-WRONG AGAIN! My appointment was scheduled at 1:00 p.m. and I was sitting waiting… waiting… waiting.. waiting. It felt like an eternity, I wanted to run and scream but before I was able to about 30 minutes later my doctor walked in. Then he couldn’t get his freaking iPad to bring up the results which resulted in more frustration for me, usually I’m not this antsy but I just wanted to know. Finally! the damn thing worked and he told me that they diagnosed me with chiari malformation. I thought to myself great something else to add to my long list of issues.There’s pressure created by my brain protruding down my spine causing the headaches. This can be resolved with medicine and minor surgery. GREAT! I was disappointed; this means I’m going to have to put a hold on my plan to be a mother.
Right now, I am trying to make sense of it all. What do I do? I have to wait for another appointment which will define if and when I’ll have the surgery. I just never expected something like this to happen-now! If anything this experience has helped me realize that I don’t want to die without leaving a part of me here. I want to experience the joy of being a mother, unfortunately, right now I will have to put a hold on my plans but I haven’t given up. I still gathered all my information for Dr Glujovsky and I plan to move forward with the fertility treatment.
Life is too precious to leave everything for tomorrow.